Not All True

Two men were sitting side by side on an airliner flying from Denver to Los Angeles. The first man appeared nervous and finally explained that he was being transferred to LA. "I hate Los Angeles," he said. "Everything you hear about LA is bad -- smog, traffic, and worst of all, the crime. Gangs everywhere, people getting shot and robbed, things stolen, car jackings, and everyone hates everyone else." "Oh, it's not that bad," said the second man. "I live in LA myself. Most of that stuff you read is media hype. It's just not true. You'll find LA is just like any other city, anywhere in America." "Really?" responded the first. "Boy, that makes me feel a lot better. You say you live in LA -- what do you do for a living?" "I'm a tail gunner on a Bud Light delivery truck."

The Consumption of Alcohol

• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
• The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
• The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Same Response

My wife often complains to me when she's drunk. Last night she complained when she was sober.
Non alcoholic whine.