Dangerous Mix

This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get away' said the professor.

I Am Beautiful

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

Practice makes Perfect

My Lesbian neighbors Jill and Julie, who are both teachers, asked me to help them conceive a child.
They said they wouldn't mind if we did it the old-fashioned way as they weren't man-haters.
For six months now we've been trying but I just don't have the heart to tell them that I had a vasectomy last year.