Little Johnny Learns Definitely

A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word 'definitely.' So she thought if they each got up and used it in a sentence, they would understand it better. So one student gets up and says,"The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "That's not always true because clouds can make it look gray." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says,"But it can look yellow if you don't water it." Then Little Johnny asks the teacher," Are there lumps in farts?" The teacher replies, "Excuse me?" Little Johnny repeats, "Are there lumps in farts?" Then the teacher says,"That isn't even a response to my question, but no there are no lumps in farts." Then he replies, "Then I definitely just sh*t my pants!"

Genius Psych Student

A professor of a Freshman Psychology course had a class of 400 students. His final exam was scheduled very early 8am - 10am. The professor told his students that his final was not a cumulative final and just covered the information since the last midterm, so in essence, the final was just like a midterm and would only require 1 hour of the 2 hour allotted time. The professor told the students to bring a large Blue Book. The professor was adamant that the students were only going to have 1 hour and not one minute more to complete the essay style exam. The students requested the exam to begin at 9am instead of 8am since they only had an hour. The professor denied the request because the professor preferred to use the second hour to begin grading the exams. The students moaned at the idea of waking up early. On the morning of the exam, the test began at 8:10. At 8:35, a student walked in and picked up the test questions from the professor. The professor told the student he wouldn't have enough time to complete the test. The student replied "Yes I will." At 9:10, the professor stopped the test and all the students turned in their blue books as they exited the room. The late student continued to write. The professor began grading some the exams. At 9:35, the student walked up to the desk to hand in his exam, and the professor told him it was unacceptable. The student in a surprised manner asked the professor, "Do you know who I am?" The professor replied, "No, and I don't care." The student said, "Good," and he stuffed his exam in the middle of the stack of 300 blue books. "Have a nice Summer" said the student as he left the room.

The Judge and the School Teacher

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"