Rowdy Classroom

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. Dead Silence.  The rest of the year went smoothly. 

Little Johnny Learns Definitely

A teacher was teaching her students the meaning of the word 'definitely.' So she thought if they each got up and used it in a sentence, they would understand it better. So one student gets up and says,"The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "That's not always true because clouds can make it look gray." Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says,"But it can look yellow if you don't water it." Then Little Johnny asks the teacher," Are there lumps in farts?" The teacher replies, "Excuse me?" Little Johnny repeats, "Are there lumps in farts?" Then the teacher says,"That isn't even a response to my question, but no there are no lumps in farts." Then he replies, "Then I definitely just sh*t my pants!"

Too Much Noise

A teacher asked a pupil a question, but she could barely hear the child speaking since the other kids were making too much noise. In an attempt to quiet them, she said, ''I can hear voices!''
Two janitors outside heard the teacher and one said to the other, ''Jeez, she better stop telling the kids about her mental problems!''