Medical Professor Teaching a Lesson

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.'' After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same.
After hesitating, they all did it. ''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''

Meeting Plato

In a classroom pupils were asked to always write in silence. One day the teacher dozed off and was awakened by some of the pupils making noise. To cover her embarrassment she said, "It was always my wish to meet the scholar Plato and, a while ago, I did see him in my dream." The next day a pupil dozed off while listening to the teacher's long lecture. Upon seeing the sleeping child, the teacher woke him up and rebuked him. "Why are you sleeping during the lecture?" The pupil answered, "I also went to see the scholar Plato." The teacher asked, "And what did Plato say?" to which the pupil replied, "Plato said he did not meet with you yesterday."

Good, Bad, Worse

Good: Your children are sexually active.
Bad: With each other.
Worse: And your wife.
Good: Hot outdoor sex.
Bad: Getting arrested.
Worse: By your husband.
Good: The teacher likes your son.
Bad: Sexually.
Worse: The teacher is a he.
Good: You go home for a quickie.
Bad: You get caught by your wife
Worse: You're with her sister.