Police Car Backseat

Q: What sits in back of a police car?
A: A seat belt.

The Hooker and Her Gramma

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.
The hooker's gramma came and said, "Why are all of you girls lined up?"
The girl didn't want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said, "We're lined up to buy oranges"
The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said, "How do you do it, you're so old?!?"
Gramma says, "It's easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!"

Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
10. "I'm looking for beer money"