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Profession Jokes - Police Jokes
Bad Party
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.
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Holy Car Accident
A rabbi and a priest were driving one day and by a freak accident have a head-on collision with tremendous force. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of the holy men are injured.
After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There is nothing left, yet we are here, unhurt. This must be a sign from God!" Pointing to the sky, he continues, "God must have meant that we should meet and share our lives in peace and friendship for the rest of our days on earth."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must surely be a sign from God!"
The rabbi is looking at his car and exclaims, "And look at this! Here's another miracle! My car is completely demolished, but this bottle of wine I was carrying did not break. Surely, God wants us to drink this wine and to celebrate our good fortune."
The priest nods in agreement. The rabbi hands the bottle to the priest, who drinks half the bottle and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap on, then hands it back to the priest.
The priest, baffled, asks, "Aren't you having any, Rabbi?"
The rabbi replies, "Nah... I think I'll wait for the police."
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Drunk English Time Telling
One day, a policeman walked by and saw a drunk man sitting in a puddle. "Hey, are you drunk?" asked the policeman. "No! I'm just resting!" said the drunk man in a lazy voice. "Oh, is that so? Well, if your not drunk, what time is it?" The drunk man raised his arm, as if to point at something, and raised the other arm to cross the first arm over and said, "It's 12:43!" "Amazing!" said the policeman. "How did you do that?" "Hee hee, magic!" he said in a drunk voice. The policeman was puzzled and asked the drunk man again how he did it. "Oh ok! Don't push me!" he said. "I'll tell you how I did it only if you sit with me in this puddle." "What? No, I'm not sitting in that puddle." said the policeman. " OK, then you will not learn my secret." So the policeman stepped in the puddle, and sat down near the drunk man. "OK, I'm in the puddle, now tell me." "Well, turn to face that way, and look at that very large building," He pointed, " Do you see it?" "Ya I see it, so what?" Said the policeman. "Well, then I bet that you see that the building is Big Ben."
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