Hooker Xmas

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00." A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail. Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "Keep Christ in Christmas." One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?" "Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off. The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER -- $50.00."

Doesn't It Annoy You When...

Doesn't it annoy you when

• ...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
• ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
• ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
• ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
• ...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
• ...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
• ...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
• ...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
• ...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
• ...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
• ...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
• ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
• ...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
• ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
• ...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
• ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.

DiCaprio ID

A black man finds Leonardo DiCaprio's wallet on the ground. Some days later he's stopped by the police while driving erratically on the interstate. They asked him for his ID and he hands them the one he found. The officer looks at the ID and back to the man. He reads aloud, "First Name: Leonardo, last name: DiCaprio." He looks at the driver, a bit perplexed. "Hair: blonde, eyes: blue." Looks at him again. Then the cop called his partner and asked, "Hey Bob, did the Titanic sink or burn?"