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The best jokes and joke writers!

Shots Fired

Two police officers responding to a domestic disturbance with shots fired arrive on scene.  After discovering the wife had shot her husband for walking across her freshly mopped floor,  they called their sergeant for advice on his cell phone. 
  
 "Hello Sarge.”      "Yes.” 

 "It looks like we have a homicide here. “

 "What happened?”

 "A woman shot her husband for walking on the wet floor she had just mopped.” 

 "Have you placed her under arrest?”

 "No sir.  The floor is still wet."

Police Food Groups

The 4 Basic Food Groups for Police Officers

  1. Glazed
  2. Jelly
  3. Powdered
  4. Chocolate Frosted

Daughter in College

Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter's college education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, "I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?"

Glazed

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says,
"Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

The Blond and the Night Watchman

Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman." She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. "Well,"  he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?" "I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"