Another Breathalyzer

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. "Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?" "Driver's licence? What's that?" "It's a little card with your picture on it." "Oh, duh!  Here it is." "May I have your car insurance?" "What's that?" "It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car." "Oh this? Duh!  Here you go" The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Pulled Over

It's Super Bowl Sunday and a man is heading home to watch the big game. As he passes under a bridge, a cop takes off after him and they both pull to the side of the road.
"Do you know how fast you were going?" "Gee, no, I thought I was doing the speed limit." "Well according to my radar gun, you were going 49 in a 45 zone."
Outraged by the fact that he just got pulled over for going 4 miles over the limit and the game was about to start, he begins to get visibly frustrated. "Oh come ON! You pulled me over for that? I have someplace I REALLY need to be."
The cop isn't impressed. "What, are you a doctor or something? Is someone dying?" "Funny you should mention that, because I am a doctor." "Really, now? What kind of doc are ya?" "Well, in simple terms, I'm an asshole stretcher." "Wait, what?" "Yeah, I stretch assholes."
"I'm sorry, but I don't see..." "Look, it's real simple. I take someone's asshole and stretch it little by little until it gets to about 6 feet wide." The cop, genuinely confused and shocked, asks: "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
"Well you give him a radar gun and stick him under a bridge."

Stolen Toilets

Q: Did you hear that all the toilets at the police station were stolen?
A: Yeah... the cops got nothing to go on.