Bach in a Minuet

A note left for a pianist from his wife "Gone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet."

Monica In Med School

Q: Why should Monica Lewinsky never go to medical school?
A: She sucked as an intern!

Three Morticians

There were three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!" The next guy says, "Oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!" The third guy sulks in the corner, "Man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. It took me four days just to get the grin off her face."