Rug Farts

A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs. She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person does not pop up at that moment. As she turns back, standing next to her is a salesman. "Good day, how may we help you today?" Very uncomfortably, she asks, "Sir, how much does this rug cost?" He answers, "Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in your pants when you hear what the price is."

Fisherman and Hooker

Q: What's the difference between an epileptic oyster fisherman, and a hooker with diarrhea?
A: Well, one shucks between fits.

Doctor Complaining to a Mechanic

A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." "Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."