Playing Trucker

A young boy sits on the edge of the sidewalk, eats some M&Ms, cuts off the back end of a grasshopper, and then moves down the curb. He does this over and over. His mother asks him what he's doing. He says, "I'm playing trucker. I pop some pills, cut off some a**hole and keep moving."

Hanging From the Ceiling

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blonde electrician

A Golfer And A Sky-Diver

Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK!