Podiatrist

Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."

Help

Patient: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Admin Harris

The admin, Ms. Harris,  came in late for work the third day in a row.  The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look, Ms. Harris, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here."  The boss pressed on, " Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?" Ms. Harris simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said, "My lawyer."