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The best jokes and joke writers!

Accommodating

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Gynecologist and Genealogist

Q: What's the difference between a gynecologist and a genealogist?

A: A genealogist looks up the family tree. A gynecologist looks up the family bush.

Mail Carriers.

Q: What kind of drugs are mail carriers not tested for?

A: SPEED!

Business One Liners

  • If you are asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
  • If you are coasting, you're going downhill.
  • If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
  • If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.
  • If you are not the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
  • If you are running for a short line, it suddenly becomes a long line.
  • If you are worried about being crazy, don't be overly concerned. If you were, you would think you were sane.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone to blame.
  • If you cannot convince them, confuse them. 
  • If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies.

Dat Ain't Bubba

Bubba got drunk and died in a fire in his trailer. He was so badly burned that the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they called his two buddies Jim-Bob and Billy-Joe to I.D. him. Jim-Bob went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. "Yep, he's got burned up purdy bad. Roll 'im over," said Jim-Bob. The mortician rolled him over, Jim-Bob looked at his butt and said, "Nope, dat ain't Bubba." Not saying anything, but finding it a bit strange, the mortician brought in Billy-Joe to I.D. the body. "Yep, he's burned up real bad. Roll 'im over," said Billy-Joe. The mortician rolled him over, Billy-Joe looked down at his butt and said, "Dat ain't Bubba." "How can you tell?" asked the mortician. "Cause Bubba had two assholes," replied Billy-Joe. "Two assholes? That's impossible!" said the mortician. "Yep. Everyone in town knowed Bubba had two assholes, cause every time the three of us went to town, everyone would yell, 'here comes Bubba with them two assholes!"