Photos

A guy sat next to me in the bus today and pulled out a photo of his wife. He asked me, “Ain’t she beautiful?”
I said “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my wife”
He replied with, “Why, is she a stunner as well?”
I said, “No, she’s an optician”

Clockwork Checkup

Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health. Your pulse is as regular as clockwork.
Patient: That's because you've got your hand on my watch!

Job Pain

I've got a job paralysing people.
It's back breaking work.