Signs He's a Bad Chiropractor

From Late Show with David Letterman:
Top Ten Signs You've Gone To a Bad Chiropractor
10. When you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.
9. Keeps saying, "A spine is like a box of chocolates."
8. Repeatly asks, "You a cop? You sure you ain't a cop?"
7. Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by "Uh-oh."
6. There's a two drink minimum.
5. At end of session, lies down on the table and says, "My turn!"
4. He was nowhere near Woodstock and yet he's covered with mud.
3. Rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his Burger King uniform.
2. Hints that for an extra $50, he'll "straighten" something else.
1. You're fully-clothed and he's naked.

What a Workout!

My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the walls, drag my heels, push my luck, make mountains out of molehills, bend over backward, run around in circles, put my foot in my mouth, go over the edge, and beat around the bush.

Too Much Sex

One day a man took his wife to the doctor and says, "All she likes to do is do it. Can you help her?" The doctor replies, "Come back in an hour." The man leaves so the doctor can perform his treatment. One hour later the man returns to discover the doctor having sex with his wife. The man says, "What are you doing?!?" The doctor says, "Taking her temperature." The man replies, "When you pull that thing out it better have some numbers on it!"