Ain't She Cute

Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she cute?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."

Doctor's Insurance

A lady shows up at her doctor's appointment. The doctor calls her name and says, "Will you please follow me?"
She is following him down the hallway when the doctor opens the first door. There is a nurse in there giving a guy a hand job.
The doc says, "Oh, sorry!" and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again when the lady says, "Excuse me, I don't want to sound stupid, but what was that?"
The doctor replies, "He has a backup problem and the nurse is just helping him out."
The lady just shakes her head and follows the doctor. The doc walks into the second door. There is a nurse giving a man a blowjob.
The doc says, "Oh sorry!" and shuts the door.
He starts down the hall again and the lady says, "Excuse me, I can kind of understand the first one - but what was that?"
The doc replies, "Same problem, better insurance."

Split Personality

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair!