Mr Greenburg's Signature

Mr. Greenberg was an illiterate immigrant, but he worked hard, saved his pennies, and started a small business. It did well, and soon he had enough money to send for the wife and children. The work kept him very busy, so he never had time to learn to write, but the bank was happy to do business with him, even though his signature consisted of two X's. He prospered, he opened more stores, the kids were transferred to private schools, the family moved into a fancy house (with one staircase going nowhere just for show)... you get the idea. One day his banker, Mr. Smith, asked him to drop by. "So vat's the problem?" Greenberg asked, a bit anxious. Smith waved a bunch of checks at him. "Perhaps nothing," he said, "but I wanted to be on the safe side. These recent checks of yours are all signed with 3 X's, but your signature of record has just 2." Greenberg looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry about making trouble," he said, "but my vife said that since I'm now such a high class rich guy, I should have a middle name!"

Witch Story

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him.
Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all. Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!"
"I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me."
"Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"
He looked at her in disbelief, "Is this all true?" he asked.
"Of course," she said, "But to keep it true you must do one thing."
"Anything!" he said, "Anything!"
"You must take me to a motel and make passionate love to me."
He stared at her. She was an ugly old crone- as ugly as they could be, dressed in rags. Nevertheless, he agreed to her terms. He took her to a motel and made love to her all night.
In the morning, as he was getting dressed and combing his hair in front of the mirror, she lay on the bed watching silently. Finally, she asked, "Sonny, how old are you?"
"I'm thirty-two," he said.
"Tell me something, then," she said. "Aren't you a little too old to believe in witches?"

Old Never Dies

Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance
Old accounts never die, they are deleted
Old actors never die, they just drop a part
Old alcholics/drug users never die, they just get wasted
Old anthropologists never die, they just become history
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver
Old architects never die, they just lose their structure
Old assets never die, they just depreciate
Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world
Old atoms never die, they just decay
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest
Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan
Old baseball players never die, they just go batty
Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap