Red Patch On Skin

I saw a dermatologist about a nasty red patch on my skin. I asked it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.

Selling to a Farmhouse

A traveling salesman approached an old farmhouse and noticed the strange behavior of the couple inside. The woman was running the lawn mower over the carpet and the man had one hand dipped in a fish bowl and was playing with himself with the other. The salesman assumed they were crazy and moved on. After he'd finished his pitch at the next farmhouse, he mentioned what he'd just seen. ''Oh, those folks ain't crazy,'' the farmer said, ''They're both deaf mutes. She was telling him to mow the lawn, and he was telling her to go fuck herself because he was going fishing.''

Baby Soon

A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital, one hand on her back. A nurse asks her what’s wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” The nurse shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.” The pregnant woman’s face contorts in pain as she shouts, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!” The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor. “Admit her,” the doctor said. “She’s having contractions.”