Red Patch On Skin

I saw a dermatologist about a nasty red patch on my skin. I asked it would get better, but he said he didn't want to make any rash promises.

I'm A Nit

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a nit
Doctor: Will you get out of my hair!

Baby Soon

A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital, one hand on her back. A nurse asks her what’s wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Didn’t!” The nurse shakes her head and says, “I’m sorry…I don’t understand.” The pregnant woman’s face contorts in pain as she shouts, “Can’t! Won’t! Don’t!” The nurse, bewildered, turns to a doctor. “Admit her,” the doctor said. “She’s having contractions.”