Don't Say To Security

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain

1. "Isn't there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
2. "I'm searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
7. "I'm at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
8. "I'm trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
9. "See..I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that's why I'm stealing the quarters in the fountain. I NEED HELP MAN!!!"
10. "I'm looking for beer money"

Hillary And Tampons

Q: What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?
A: "They are both stuck-up cunts!"

Gay Men Farting

Two gay men are walking down the street trying to bum a ride. A truck driver picks them up. After a while the first gay man asked in a very gay voice, ''Please sir can I fart?'' The truck driver then says, ''Yeah sure who cares.'' So the gay guy goes ''POOF'.' Then the second gay man asks if he can fart. The truck driver says he doesn't care and the second gay man went ''poof'.' Then the big truck driver goes to the gay men and says, "Ok gentlemen can I fart?" The gay men say right on and the truckdriver lets it blow. The fart was huge and smelly and loud. The gay men then say, ''He is obviously a virgin.''