I Need Some Wine

Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with his mistress naked in bed. As he was kissing her red, red lips, he stopped. "To kiss your red lips, I need red wine." So he poured red wine over her lips and continued to kiss her. He moved on to her white, white breasts. "To kiss your white breasts, I need white wine." So he poured white wine over her breasts and continued to kiss them. He then moved on to her bush. He poured brandy all over it and set it alight. "Louis!" she screamed. "What are you doing?"
"Baby," he said, "when I go down, I GO DOWN IN FLAMES!"

Blonde Pulled Over

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license. "You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it."

Two Farmers and Their Sheep

An Irish farmer sees a Welsh farmer with two sheep under his arms... and he asks... "Are you gonna shear them?" "Nope," says the welshman... "They're both for me."