Have a Drink

Middle of the night, middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the center of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, although neither is hurt. It's impossible to assess blame for the accident on either however. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his car phone. They'll be there in 20 minutes. It's cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who puts it away. "Aren't you going to have a drink?" the doctor asked. "AFTER the police get here," replies the lawyer.

Second Opinion

A man rushed into the veterinarian's office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog's still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead. Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door. The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a “meow”, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, "I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do.” Resigned, the man signed and said, "Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?" "Three-hundred fifty dollars," the doctor replied. "Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!" the man stammered. "Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan."

Lawyer's Club

A gang of robbers broke into a lawyer's club by mistake. The old legal lions gave them a fight for their life and their money. The gang was very happy to escape. "It ain't so bad," one crook noted. "We got $25 between us." The boss screamed: "I warned you to stay clear of lawyers--we had $100 when we broke in!"