Swallowed a Mouse

A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about."
"I'll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there."
When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband's mouth.
"Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse."
"I know, doc," she replied, "but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him!"

Candidate's Shootout

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
Fargo, North Dakota: A candidate for sheriff has challenged his opponents to a shootout, calling it a test of a law officer's ability to protect the public. "Clearly, being the best shot doesn't necessarily make you the best sheriff, but I think it proves a point," Ken Schwab said Tuesday. Schwab wants the four other candidates to meet him June 1 at a shooting range. Each will fire 24 rounds at targets to determine the best shot, Schwab said. The challenge could be a problem for one candidate -- a well-known local tax protester and convicted felon who's not allowed to possess a firearm.

Had it All

I talked to a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.  He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage."  I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?"  "Oh no, nothing like that," he said.   "No, no.... I was paroled."