How Old Are You?

A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said, "39 and holding." Then the student asked, "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"

How fast was I going?

"When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least." "You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat that makes me look that old."

Lawyer Tactics

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!" Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?" the partner asked. "But I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!"