Lawyer Tactics

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed. "If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!" Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?" the partner asked. "But I did send them," replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!"

Business One-Liners

• The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
• The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
• The road to hell is paved with good intentions and littered with sloppy analysis.
• The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
• The simplest subjects are the ones you don't know anything about.
• The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
• The solving of a problem lies in finding the solvers.
• The sooner you fall behind, the more time you will have to catch up!
• The squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease; sometimes it gets replaced.
• The stomach expands to accommodate the amount of junk food available. 

Psychiatrist Definitions

Psychiatrist:

1. Mind-sweeper.
2. Someone who asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.

Psychiatry: The care of the id by the odd.