Businessman's Payback

An abrasive businessman in the hospital constantly berates the medical staff. Only the head nurse will stand up to him. One day she tells him, "I have to take your temperature. I'm sorry, but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer." This starts rounds of complaining, but eventually the man rolls over and bares his rear end. After the nurse inserts the thermometer, she announces, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back." She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walk past his door laughing. The man's doctor comes into the room, "What's going on here?" Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" After a pause, the doctor says, "Well, no, not with a carnation, anyway."

Bad Bribe

Shultz, a lawyer, bribed a man on the jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the prosecution. The jury was out for nearly a week before they returned to court with the manslaughter verdict. When Shultz paid the juror, he asked him if it had been hard to persuade the other jurors to get the charge of manslaughter. "Sure did," the juror replied, "all the others wanted to acquit him!"

Write and Wrong

A writer dies and reaches the Golden Gates where God gives him a choice to either go to Heaven or Hell. He finds it difficult to make up his mind so he asks God if he can have a little tour of both places.
God agrees and they first go to Hell where the writer sees rows and rows of writers, chained to their desks in an overheated room, being whipped if they stopped writing for a second by merciless editors and publishers. This really frightens the writer who then proceeds to Heaven hoping it'll be better.
In Heaven too he sees rows of writers, chained to their desks in an over heated room, being whipped mercilessly.
So he turns to God and says, "But they're both the same!"
To which God replies, "Oh no. Here in Heaven your work gets published!"