Rookie

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."

Can't Fool a Woman

At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 8 men and 4 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."
Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?"
Defendant: "No sir, when I pleaded Not Guilty I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since I can't even fool my wife, I'll never be able to fool the four women jurors."

Shit in a Hat

One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a shit. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a shit in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, "It's a hurt bird."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away."
The police officer said, "Let me see the bird."
The man said, "I can't - if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes.
Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!"
The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand.
The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of shit and asked the man, "What is this?"
The man replied, "You scared the shit out of the bird."