How Did He Look?

A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions, but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?" "Well, yes, I actually did once." "And how did your husband look?" "Angry, very angry." At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex, that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?" "He was looking through the window at us!"

Bad Waiter

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy" yelled the customer, "sticking your thumb in my steak?!"
"What," answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Eternal Marriage

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out," they wonder, "are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground! "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple.
"Come on!" St. Peter exclaims, "it took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?"