Duck Tails

Three doctors are in a duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, "Looks like a duck, flies like a duck... it's probably a duck," and shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, "Hmmmm...green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound...might be a duck." He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, "Go see if that was a duck."

Public Stock

A stockbroker catches his wife in bed with another man. He says to her, "What's going on?" She says, "Believe it or not, John, I've gone public!"

Lawyers

A guy in a bar stands up and says, "All lawyers are assholes."
Another guy stands up and says "Hey... I resent that!"
The first guy says, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"
The second guy says, "No. I'm an asshole."