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Word Play Jokes - Private Parts
Aliens At a Gas Pump
Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach. The first one says "Earthling take me to your leader!" He gets no response. The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!" Still no response. The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!" The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block." The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time." Earthling take me to your leader!" No response. The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy. He then says to the second Alien "If you knew that was going to happen why didn't you warn me?" The second replies "I didn't know what was going to happen, but I'm not going to mess with anyone who can hang his penis to the ground, wrap it around his body twice, and can still stick it in his ear!"
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Newlywed Foot Amputation
On the night of their honeymoon, a newlywed couple has an unfortunate accident, resulting in the amputation of the groom's left foot. Unable to control her grief, the bride calls her mother from the hospital. "Mother," she sobs, "my husband has only one foot." The mother, trying to console her daughter, says, "That's alright dear, your father has only six inches."
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Doing Laundry
Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his right leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his left leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like that, you don't do the laundry!"
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