Chain Saws And Monkeys

Q: What do chain saws and monkeys have in common?
A: They both fuck up trees!

Green Grape To Purple Grape

Q: What did a green grape say to a purple grape?
A: Breathe stupid!

Choo Choo

Roy Rogers gets a brand new pair of cowboy boots. He leaves them out on the porch of his ranch house and, in the morning, discovers they’ve been gnawed by a mountain lion. Roy grabs a rifle and his horse and goes out to kill the varmint. Three hours later Roy’s back with a dead mountain lion tied across his saddle. A ranch-hand goes up to him and says, “Pardon me , Roy. Is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?”