Blonde Drives Stick

Q: How can you tell if a blonde was trying to drive stick?
A: There's a condom on the gear shift.

Plumber Booty Call

Are you prepared to get wet, because these pipes are about to burst.

English, Scottish, and Irish Desert

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel. "Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver." "I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart." "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."