Tombstone Epitaph V

Tombstone Epitaph in Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas Instead of the brake.

Recruting

I received a call from a Headhunter. She said to me, "Sir, I have two openings for you!"
I replied, "Yes. I know."
There was a long silence and then she said, "Asshole."
I replied, "I prefer the other one."

Old Chatter

You know you're getting old when you tell someone you woke up with a stiffy and they think your wife died in her sleep.