The Top Bad Excuses For Speeding

1. "This is my tryout for Nascar."
2. "I've got to get back to Amish Country before they realize that I am missing."
3. "That McDonald's offer is for a Limited Time only and buddy, that could run out at ANYTIME!"
4. "I'm trying to rush home for the new Hanson video debut on MTV."
5. "Cause those Gorditas rule."
6. "Uh-Oh..Wapner's on...I'm an excellent driver."
7. "Trying to see how fast a Yugo can go."
8. "Umm..I'm drunk?"
9. "Trying to outrun the radio signal that is playing that lousy Alannis Morisette "Uninvited" song!"

Ran Out of Gas

While driving down the road a man ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a Bee flew in his window. The Bee said, "What seems to be the problem?" " I'm out of  gas," replied the man. The Bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. " Try it now," exclaimed the Bee! The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. " Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you do?" " Ahhh, it was easy," said the Bee. We just filled it up with "BP "

Blonde's New Sportscar

A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"