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Travel Jokes
Blonde and a Taxi
Q: What do a blonde and a taxi have in common?
A: Everyone's been in and out for $2.00.
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Buns and Puns!
One Monday morning, Grover picked up the kids along a new bus route. At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus. On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross." Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunions. Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her what her name was. It was also Patty. On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking..."Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunions, on a Sesame Street bus!"
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Highlander Taxi Ride
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''Right, you Jimmy,'' he shouts, ''Ah want you to masturbate!'' ''But...'' stammers the driver. ''Du it now - or I'll bluddy kill yu!'' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn't take him long. ''Right!'' snarls the Highlander ''Du it agin, now!'' So the driver does it again. ''Right laddie, du it agin!'' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''Du it again!'' says the Highlander. ''I can't do it any more - you'll just have to kill me!'' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''
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