9 More Things Films Have Taught Us

1. It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
3. If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
4. Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. 
6. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
7. After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
8. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
9. Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.

Why Television Is Better Than The Web

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV even on MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Internet Can Get Worse

Top ten ways the Internet could get worse;
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter & Siegel.
8. Home shopping "network".
7. Netrek corporate sponsors. Out: Orion, Pollux, Klingus. In: Planet Bud, Toyota Prime, Intelworld.
6. Sun internet servers replaced with pentiums.
5. Dan Quayle appointed head of "bandwidth expansion tiger team".
4. Free netcom account with purchase of big mac.
3. GameBoy web browsers.
2. Tipper Gore cancel-bot unleashed onto the net.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THE INTERNET CAN GET WORSE
1. Two words: "Microsoft Network"