Ten Signs That You're At A Bad Zoo

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

Top 10 Reasons to Send Kids to School

The Top 10 Reasons That Parents Send Kids To School

1. To scope out any single teachers for Daddy.
2. To learn that useful Algebra stuff that every McDonald's manager uses daily.
3. No cable at home so the kids watch it at school and fill you in at dinner.
4. After the same damn episode of Barney 2500 times, its either send them to school or drop them off at the dump at the outskirts of town.
5. So someone else can deal with the psychotic little shits.
6. Not getting enough paste in their diet at home.
7. Easier to run escort service out of home when they're not around.
8. To study hard, and learn the fine art of perfect English to the point of getting a college degree just so you can use it for writing Top 10 Lists!
9. To learn the fine art of seducing older, more powerful male role models in order to get what you want or to fly on Air Force One (M.Lewinsky only!). 
10. To let teachers help with the parenting!

9 More Things Films Have Taught Us

1. It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
2. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
3. If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
4. Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. 
6. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
7. After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking.
8. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
9. Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.