Enterprise Illness

Q: What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch?
A: Chicken Spocks!

NASA and SpaceX Mission

When NASA's Juno spacecraft confirmed that there were alien structures on Jupiter's moon Europa, they decided to investigate. SpaceX and NASA astronauts began training for a mission to Europa in the deserts of the Western United States, where they had an encounter with an old Native American man.
The man asked what they were doing in the desert. They replied that they were going to travel to Europa, and search for the aliens who built the structures. When the old man heard that, he fell silent and pondered for a few moments, then asked the astronauts for a favor.

"What do you want?" the astronauts asked.

"Well, the people of my tribe believe that sacred spirits live on Europa. I was wondering if you could pass a very important message to them." said the old man.

"Well then, what's the message?" said the astronauts.

The man said something in his native language and asked the astronauts to repeat it over and over again until they had fully memorized it.

"What does it mean?" asked the astronauts.

"Oh, I cannot tell you. It's a sacred secret that only our tribe and Europa spirits are allowed to know." the old man mentions.

When the astronauts returned to base, they searched and searched until they had found someone who could speak the old man's native language, then asked him to translate the secret message. When they repeated what they had memorized, the translator began to laugh out loud. When he calmed down, the astronauts asked him what it meant.

The man explained the sentence they had memorized so cautiously said,

"Don't believe a single word these white men are telling you. They have come to steal your lands.

Top Ten Ways to Kill Wesley Crusher

10. After slugging down six Shirley Temple's in 10 Forward, Wes stumbles to the holodeck, which he commands to "take me to hell."  His broken body is later found on the empty holodeck in a pool of vomit.
9. Wesley gets gang-raped by a group of female Klingons.
8. Riker gets carried away executing an order from Picard to "knock the little snot around a bit."
7. Data catches him tossing off. Uncomprehending, he requires a detailed explanation from Wesley, who dies of embarrassment.
6. Extensive lab analysis of a green slime found on one of the control panels uncovers the fact that our favorite ensign has, once again, been picking his nose. He is summarily fired and commits suicide.
5. Wes gets gang-raped by a group of male Klingons.
4. On an earlier episode, Wes got to kiss a girl who turned into a Chewbacca-like creature. Here, she returns, and they once again get involved. (Un)fortunately, once she gets really heated, she mutates back into a wookie and forces Wesley to be her cringing sex slave. She then tears him limb from limb and eats him.
3. In a rare episode involving characters from both ST and ST:TNG, Spock attempts a Vulcan mind-meld with Wesley. Wesley's head explodes. Spock barely survives, spending the next several days scratching himself and whining.
2. Worf notices a Romulan ship on the scanners, and sends Wesley down to clean out the photon tubes. Later, someone makes a comment about the needs of the many having outweighed the needs of the few.
1. Wes gets involved in a deviant sexual practice known as "tribble stuffing," not realizing that tribbles multiply any where. Even an emergency laser enema by Dr. Crusher fails to save him.