Texan in Canada

A Texas oil tycoon is in northern Canada for a vacation and has booked a day of fishing on the Great Slave Lake. The guide says they will start out on the lake at sun up, two am. As they start out the guide says, “Have you ever seen such a long day?” The Texan lights a cigar and says, “Sonny, the sun never sets on Texas, it’s God’s country”
As they head out across The Great Slave, the tenth largest in the world, the guide asks, “Have you ever fished on a lake a big as this?” The Texan puffs on his cigar and says, “Sonny, back in Texas this would just be a pond.”
Finally they arrive at the fishing ground. They set their gear and the Texan reels in a few nice ones then he hooks a big one. The fight goes on for hours. Finally he reels it close enough to the boat to see that it is a monster, the biggest he has ever seen. In his mind he already sees it mounted over his fireplace, a trophy to brag to his friends about. The guide muscles the boat into the boat and turns to the Texan with a smile, “Have you ever seen a trout this big?”
Unable to resist, the Texan shrugs and says, “Why, Sonny, back in Texas we throw little ones like that back.” 
The guide smiles and drops the fish back into the lake. “We do the same thing here in Canada.”

Alien Laws

A Californian and an Texan were deer hunting in the brush of south Texas when an illegal alien runs across a clearing. The Texan takes careful aim, shoots and kills him. "You can't do that!" cried the Californian. "It's legal here in Texas " replies the Texan.
Later that night the Californian goes to town to buy some beer from Walmart. He puts the beer on the roof of his truck and while he's making room behind the seat, an illegal alien runs by, grabs the beer and runs away. The Californian draws his pistol, shoots and kills him. As he is retrieving his beer the police come and arrest him.
"But I thought it was legal to shoot illegal aliens here in Texas!" protests the Californian. "Well, yeah," says the cop, "but you can't use bait."

Measuring The Poles

There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repositioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, "we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long".