Mallard Tricks

Q: Why are mallards good at dodge ball?
A: They can duck.

Wife Swap

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said. "How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half over," he said.

Player's Diet

Manager: I thought I told you to lose weight. What happened to your three week diet?
Player: I finished it in three days!