Golfer Pays His Respects

A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200. As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt. One of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects." "Well, we were married for 25 years!"

Got Balls?

Bill O'Reilly calls President Obama and asks him what he’d like most for the holidays. “I couldn't possibly accept gifts in my position,” said Obama. The TV host insists and said he could ask for anything, no matter how big or small. “Well,” said Obama, “If you insist I suppose I could accept a dozen Titleist Pro V1's. My game is off and lately I seem to be loosing my balls."  A month later the President is watching TV when the O'Reilly says, “A while back we asked a number of world leaders what they’d like most for the holidays. Francois Hollande said he’d like universal peace. Angela Merkel said she would like prosperity for the world’s poor. And President Obama said he needed balls.

Jungle Hazard

A lion would never drive while drunk.
But a tiger wood.