Top 10 - Baseball Is Better Than Sex

Top Ten Reasons Baseball Is Better Than Sex:
10: It is legal to play professionally
9: You can count on it at least 4 times a week
8: You have a coach to tell you when to advance
7:When you are tired, you always get relieved
6: If you strike out once, you still have 2 more tires to get a hit
5: Up to 4 people can score at once
4: Pop ups are frequent
3: 30,000 people cheer when you score
2: After 7 innings, you get to stretch
1: You can get a homerun without any foreplay!

Cubs Soup

Q: Did you hear about the new Cubs soup?
A: Two sips and then you choke.

Baseball in Heaven

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."