A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch...

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it."  The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"

Stiff Golfing

John and Brandon meet in the clubhouse of the golf course.  John says to Brandon, "I hear you had a tragedy while golfing last week."  Brandon says, "Yes, I was playing with David and at the end of the ninth hole he dropped dead!"  John says, "Someone told me you carried him back to the clubhouse. That must have been tough without a cart.  He weighed over two hundred pounds, right?"  Brandon says, "Well, the carrying part wasn't so hard.  It was putting David down for every stroke and picking him up again that got to me."

Thanks For the Balls

A New York lawyer sent gifts to many of his clients.The gifts were sleeves of golf balls, suitably inscribed with the donor lawyer's name.One of the recipients sent an e-mail of thanks back to the lawyer saying, "That's the first time I've ever had a lawyer buy the balls."