Nothing But The Truth

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8.00 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary, and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 8.00 p.m." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!!"

Measure Up

Four friends met up after a game of golf, and while one man went to get drinks, the other three spoke about how successful their sons are:
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a sports car dealership and just gave his best friend a Ferrari 488 GTB.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son runs Gulfstream and just gave his best friend a G650.
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a French Chateau.
Guy 4 walks back to the group of the other 3 guys.
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about?
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are.
Guy 4: Well, my son is a Gay stripper.
Guy 2: You must be so disappointed.  What caused him to be so unsuccessful in life?
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a new Ferrari, his own private jet, and a French castle from his three boyfriends.

Top 10- Hockey vs. Sex

1. YOU GO IN 1-2 MINUTE SHIFTS
2. THE PUCK IS ALWAYS HARD
3. THE PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT IS REUSABLE
4. IT LASTS A FULL HOUR
5. YOU KNOW YOU ARE FINISHED WHEN THE BUZZER SOUNDS
6. YOUR PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE
7. A 2 ON 1 OR 3 ON 1 IS NOT UNCOMMON
8. IT IS LEGAL TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY
9. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK
10. PERIODS ONLY LAST 20 MINUTES