Fisherman's Sons

A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away. Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade. A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone. "Oh no! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried. "We were just one day out to sea, when Towards hooked a great fish. He fought long and hard, but he was pulled over the side and swallowed whole by the fish." "Oh dear, what a huge, horrible fish that must of been!" "Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away."

Watch Real Baseball

Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team
From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

1. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
2. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
3. They keep shouting "Do over!"
4. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" The batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French.
5. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
6. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
7. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
8. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
9. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
10. They play like the Mets

Soccer Pick Up

I'd like to dribble on your field. Goooaaalll!