Watch Real Baseball

Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team
From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995

1. You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
2. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
3. They keep shouting "Do over!"
4. When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" The batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French.
5. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
6. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
7. Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts "Dinner time!"
8. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
9. You overheard the coach yelling, "Run, Forrest, run!"
10. They play like the Mets

Soccer Pick Up

I'd like to dribble on your field. Goooaaalll!

Bob on the 18th Hole

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He'd waggle, look down, look up, but never start his back swing.  Finally David, his playing partner, asked, "Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?"  "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse and I want to make this shot a good one," said Bob.  "Good Lord," said David, "you haven't got a chance of hitting her from here."