Illinois Speeding Penalty

Q: Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois?
A: On the first offense they give you Bears tickets, and on the second offense, they make you use them.

St. Paul Football Team

Q: Why doesn't St. Paul have a professional football team?
A: Because then Minneapolis would want one!

Evil Golf Leprechaun

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition. "Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win." "Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily. When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?" "Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar.