Murphy's Martial Laws

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

1. The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
2. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
3. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
4. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
5. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
6. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
7. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
8. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
9. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

Golf Carts

Q: What kind of engine do they use in golf carts?
A: Fore cyclinder.

Baseball in Heaven

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?" Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."
They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...." Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?" "Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe. Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news." "Gimme the good news first," says Sol. Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven." Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?" Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."