No Hemorrhoids

Q:  Why don't men get hemorrhoids?
A:  Because they are all perfect assholes!

Seven Course Meal

Q:  What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A:  A hot dog and a six pack of beer!

Why Men Are Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.  The garage is all yours.  Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Same work, more pay.  Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress are $5000, tux rental is only $100.  People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.  New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  One mood all the time. 
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.  You know stuff about tanks.  A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  You can open all your own jars.  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.  Everything on your face stays its original color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.  You only have to shave your face and neck.  You can play with toys all your life.  One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.  You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.  You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.