I'm Glad I'm A Woman

• I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am
• I don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
• I don't brag to my buddies about my erections
• I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions
• I don't get wasted at parties and act like a clown
• And I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!
• I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt
• My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut
• And I don't go around "re adjusting" my crotch
• Or yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
• I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind
• I'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!
• I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing
• I don't have body hair like shag carpeting
• It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back
• When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack
• And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb
• I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
• Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side
• I'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!
• And I honestly think its a privilege for me
• To have these two boobs and squat when I pee
• I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball
• I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
• I won't tell you my wife just does not understand
• Stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
• Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
• Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!
• Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you see
• You can forget all about that old penis envy
• I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks
• Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
• I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's true
• I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

Bonds and Men

Q: What's the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Bonds mature.

New Scientific Element : MAN

• Element Name: MAN
• Symbol: XY
• Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
• Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging.
• Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
• Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralized by dousing with alcohol.
• Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
• Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.