Computers are Female

The top six reasons computers must be female:
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE: As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it. 

Like Father Like Son

A little boy is raiding the freezer for ice cream when his mother catches him. “Put that ice cream back,” she scolds. “Dinner is only an hour away.” “But I’m bored,” says the boy. “I’ve got no one to play with.” “All right,” says Mother. “I’ll play with you for a few minutes. What do you want to do?” “I want to play Mommies and Daddies,” says the boy. “But you have to sit in that chair and be mommy.” Mother does so and says, “So now what ? Are you going to be daddy?” “Yes,” says the boy. He takes a deep breath and shouts, “Now get off your fat ass, you lazy cow, and bring me some ice cream!”

New Treasury Bonds

The U.S. Treasury has just announced that it will sell three new types of bonds:
1. The Al Gore bond, which has no interest
.2. The Monica Lewinsky bond, which has no maturity And...
3. The Bill Clinton Bond, which has no principal.