12 Perks of Being a Female

1. We can get a day off from male bosses just by hinting at "female trouble."
2. When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We get free drinks just for showing up.
5. Condoms don't make us lose sensation.
6. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
7. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
8. We can talk to men without picturing them naked.
9. Occasionally, chocolate really can solve all our problems.
10. Gay men don't make us uncomfortable, unless they're better dressed than we are.
11. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
12. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

Male Brain More Expensive

One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program. The doctor there was showing them brains from real people and telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."

Divorced and Board

These two guys had each recently divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.  As soon as they arrived, they went into a trader's store and told the owner, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one's supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. Curiously, they asked,  "What's that board for?".  The trader said, "Well, where you're going there are no women and you might need this."  They said "No way! We've sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well, take the boards with you and if you don't use them I'll refund your money next year".   "Okay", they said and left.
Next year this guy came into the trader's store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren't you in here last year with a partner?".  "Yeah", said the guy.  "Where is he?", asked the trader.  "I shot him", said the guy.  "Why?", the owner asked quickly.  "I caught him in bed with my board."