It Only Hurt When...

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show. The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation. The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn't hurt too much.  Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either...." "Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?" "Hell no!  It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!"

Men are from Earth

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

40 Years of Sex Life

It seems that when God was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life.  Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?"  But the Lord was very adamant that was all man could have.  Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years", he protested. "Ten is plenty for me."  Man spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?".  The monkey graciously agreed.
Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years and the lion, like the monkey, wanted only ten.  Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?"  The lion said of course he could.  Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years. But like the others, ten was sufficient and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?". 
This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass of himself.