Multi-Tasking

God gave men a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Like Father Like Son

A little boy is raiding the freezer for ice cream when his mother catches him. “Put that ice cream back,” she scolds. “Dinner is only an hour away.” “But I’m bored,” says the boy. “I’ve got no one to play with.” “All right,” says Mother. “I’ll play with you for a few minutes. What do you want to do?” “I want to play Mommies and Daddies,” says the boy. “But you have to sit in that chair and be mommy.” Mother does so and says, “So now what ? Are you going to be daddy?” “Yes,” says the boy. He takes a deep breath and shouts, “Now get off your fat ass, you lazy cow, and bring me some ice cream!”

Why She Crossed the Road

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who cares? What the hell was she doing out of the kitchen?!!